Gobbledegook

Well, hello! What are you doing here? Don’t you have wishbones to pull, drumsticks to brandish, and pie to poke your thumb into?
I am awaiting the arrival of my boyfriend, so we can go to my new favorite market (where I recently found pink toilet paper, which I have been coveting for quite some time) (I shit you not) (really) and pick up a few thisses and thats to cram into my maw (I can’t say “nosh” without feeling like I’m really pushing the Upper West Side Jew shtick a little too far) for an impromptu Thanksgiving feast. While waiting, I have a little time to reflect on what I’m thankful for, since I haven’t really given it much thought today, given that I think about this stuff every other day of the year and don’t believe in confining it to one day set aside for doing so. I’m not too big on the notion of “special occasions”. But that’s just the kind of rebel I am. You know me, kids. I’m the one drinking my Diet Coke out of an antique crystal goblet instead of an Archies jelly glass.
Because I don’t want to be an aguafiestas, I will share that I am very thankful for one thing that I didn’t realize until just this afternoon: I can use the “the holidays” as a blanket excuse to get out of doing anything I don’t really want to do. I can put off any number of social engagements, lunches, work assignments, or pleas to save the world just by summoning up the excuse of the frenzy of “the holidays”. (All except jury duty, for which I have been summoned for mid-December.)
Other than that, I am, cornily enough, grateful/thankful for the same kind of crap that many of you are no doubt expressing aloud at your leaf-extended dinner tables as we speak. And in case you’re wondering, my family doesn’t “do” Thanksgiving until the Saturday after the actual day because no one wants to drive down to my mom’s with all the other freaks. Instead, we prefer to drive on Saturday and then return on Sunday with all the other freaks. Don’t think I’m not celebrating on the traditional day because no one will have me at their table because of what I did last year. (This is a fallacy that I wish to disembowel.)