Squeal of Fortune

In a mass email to everyone he knows on this and any other planet that has an internet connection, my friend Michael writes:

If you’re seeking some holiday amusement, tune in to Wheel of Fortune this Friday, December 19th, to see me take on the Wheel! (The show’s typically on at 7:30 in most markets, but check your local listings.) It was a pretty amazing and unforgettable experience to be on a game show you watched growing up! I had an incredible time and the producers told me after the show that our show was unlike anything they’d seen in recent memory.

Knowing Michael as I know Michael, having known him for almost 11 years, I can tell you that this paragraph about his experience in no way conveys the enormity of his ridiculousness. I do not know just how much of this ridiculousness will be displayed on the actual show — I would wager that some of it could be found flailing on a cutting-room floor or whatever the modern-day technology equivalent is — but you should be able to get at least a taste tonight.
Here he is in what I trust will be one of the tamer moments:

WOFfreak.jpg
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, “Hey, why does Michael get to be featured on this world-famous website and I don’t?” please note that Michael has generously offered me half of his Wheel of Fortune “take” in exchange for this promotion.