You may stop holding your breath now, please, thank you!

Oh, hello. You are still here! Fancy that! And here I thought perhaps you had done as I did, and just sort of faded away in a sort of vapory whisper, off to the land of Where The Hell Did She Go, which is a hop, skip, and grapevine step away from Is She Ever Coming Back and Why Must She Leave Me In Suspense.
I assure you I am here. And by here, I mean on the internet, and thus in your laps or on your desks (hello, Penthouse Forum!), and also here meaning still alive and quite kicking and not on a jury somewhere deep in the bowels of a courthouse on Centre Street, which was one of the last places you saw me. As I recall, I only resurfaced once, to alert you to my friend Michael’s appearance on “Wheel of Fortune”, and then disappeared again, leaving you in a lurch, disenchanted, dejected, and feeling a bit like all you were getting in your stocking this year was a lump of coal.
But good news abounds. Not only was I not selected to actually serve on a jury on the grounds that I was way too fabulous and well-dressed to be considered a peer to any criminal currently awaiting trial (thankfully Patsy Stone has stayed clean for quite some time or I might be sequestered somewhere dreadful right now and not be able to update), but my friend Michael won in excess of $53,000 in the presence of Pat Sajak and Vanna White! So, even though I was not here to report these events as they happened (I apologize for eschewing my live blogging), they did indeed happen. A tree still makes a sound even if we are not there to witness it. You heard it here, friends.
I am in Arkansas this week, visiting the boyfriend’s family for “the holidays”. It was a surprise, because he did not know I was going to be here, and when he got off the plane after a harrowing day of rerouting and saw me waiting for him alongside his dad, let’s just say that John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale in Serendipity weren’t a fraction as awwwww-inspiring.
And perhaps the biggest news: I ate fried dill pickles! Here is a photo from my iPhone, iSaac:
frieddillpickles.jpg
Which leads me to this question:

Poll closes in two weeks, so vote now!