Life Tip No. 429(g)

The sooner store personnel stop referring to customers as “guests”, the better off we’ll all be. Especially when we’re 20 deep in a line at Old Navy returning ill-fitting pants, and the cashiers are shouting, “Can I help the following guest?” with all the elegance of gum-cracking, greasy-cleavaged, shit-on-a-shingle diner waitresses. In addition, if they continue to use the word “following” in that manner, I insist the guest’s name be announced from a list prepared by a concierge. If you’re going to operate under the pretense that you’re genteel and well-bred, guys, you need to follow through all the way.