Program Notes

Due to the enormous amount of media attention with which I’ve been showered these past few weeks in regard to my “blog” (uggh) endeavors, and the resultant/attendant international celebrity that has attached itself to me, I have decided that I must give something back to my adoring public. Toward that end, I am in the process of designing a fabulous, sure-to-be-award-winning website that I hope to unveil sometime later this winter. There, you will be treated to an even more generous buffet than you see before you now, and, as always, everything I offer will be chock full of only the highest quality lip-smackin’, toe-tappin’ fresh-baked goodness you have come to expect from “Because I Say So!”. From time to time, I may include several fat-free tidbits for those of you who may have stuffed yourself in the past 27 days since this latest incarnation of what I am lovingly referring to as “BISS”. Please note, however, that because I do not support the current trend of removing all of the tasty good stuff that has been maligned and branded just the opposite, you can expect to gain a pound or two with each successive trip to the table.
But relax and stay here a while. Take off your coat, undo your pants (top button only, please), and help yourself. I’m not going anywhere soon! When I do move my site, you’ll be able to find me at I hope you’ll join me.
All right .. having said that …
I apologize for not posting sooner, but “Blogger” has been experiencing some sort of overload on their servers (listen to me, sounding all techy and stuff, like I know what the hell I’m talking about) and has only been allowing its members to post in increments of perhaps five minutes, without notification, of course, of when those five minutes will be available. I know you’ve all been waiting with the ever cliché “baited breath” (and here I’m picturing all of you—even those of you whose faces I have never seen—with large fishhooks stuck through your lower lips) for an update on my morning at ABC Studios.
Well, I hate to disappoint you, but … you waited around for nothing. (But fret not. As you’ll soon see, I did too.) While waiting in line just outside the doors to the building, I met a trio of women, and I, naturally, being the garrulous sort I am, not only found myself joining in their conversation but declaring myself a member of their party when the “line monitor” (or whatever he’s called) asked how many “we” were when deciding how many people to let into the larger waiting area at one time. Thankfully the three dames (who do I think I am – James [Jimmy?] Cagney?), thought it was as funny as I did.
That was the highlight of the morning – meeting three cool people in line (all right, their names were Nancy, Linda, and Erica, if you really must know). I didn’t win the $250 gift certificate, but a young, semi(?)-ditzy blonde in the row in front of me did, so if you taped the show and pause it just at the moment the camera finds her in the audience, you will see a grinning, applauding, lunatic ME just to the right. Yes, I’m the stunner in the white T-shirt with the somewhat (and not fully intended) haphazard part in her hair. If you look closely, you may see the daggers that lead from my eyes to the back of Blondie’s head.
And speaking of blondes, the celebrated co-host, Kelly Ripa, didn’t even notice my shirt. I had been a bit encouraged earlier that morning, when a rather hip-looking chick told me she has the same shirt (and we shared that sisterly smile that all of us terminally chic chicks share). I figured that if an “ordinary” person noticed it, then surely our girl Kelly would as well. But no dice. (Actually, I suspect she did notice and realized that it looked better on me than it did on her, and she couldn’t be big enough of a woman about it to just tell me so.) I’m through trying to win the love and respect of morning talk-show hosts. I have all of your love, my dear readers, and that’s all I need.
Oh, and P.S. Molly Ringwald seems to have an attitude. Please!