Presto Homo!

Here’s something that will come as a complete shock to a lot of you heterosexual “dudes” out there. You may want to sit down, you lady-lovin’ studs, because what I’m about to reveal is pretty mind-blowing. (And yes, this is your cue, you clever cads, to spread your legs even farther than you ordinarily do, indicate the somnolent snake coiled between them, and say, “Fuck my mind, bitch. Blow this!”)
So here it is, without further fanfare. Prepare to be blown away.
Admitting that another man is attractive does NOT make you a homosexual. When your girlfriend says, of ______ (insert the name of her favorite Hollywood hunk here), “Don’t you think he’s good-looking?” you don’t have to pretend that you don’t know because you don’t look at other guys. You don’t have to say, “How the fuck should I know? I’m not a fuckin’ homo.”
I’ve gone out with way too many guys who have reacted this way when I’ve asked them something similar. And not just about celebrities or athletes. Sometimes about waiters or other so-called “regular” guys who just so happen to be handsome.
“Our waiter could be a movie star,” I’d say. “If I didn’t know better I’d swear he was Johnny Depp.”
“Huh?” he’d say. “I didn’t notice.”
“You didn’t notice?” I’d say. “Please. You only had two minutes to look at him while he told us tonight’s specials and took our order. When he comes back with our food, just take a look. Tell me what you think.”
And then the waiter would, of course, appear, and set down our food. He’d walk away.
“So?” I’d say.
“I didn’t notice,” he’d say.
“But you looked.”
“Yeah, I saw him. But how’m I supposed to know if he’s good-looking or not? I’m not a fuckin’ homo.”
Uggh. And you’re not fuckin’ me, either, buddy boy. You’re going home (no, not “homo”) alone.
It wasn’t that I would drool over or onto the guy I was indicating. My date’s reaction was not based on the fact that I found our waiter (or whatever the other guy was) attractive. I did not gush or flirt shamelessly with the other guy. I merely pointed out that I thought the guy was good-looking. Just as I would point out another woman I thought was good-looking.
So listen, studs. Looking at someone of the same sex and appreciating his beauty, does not mean you’re (literally) into guys. Admitting that you’ve noticed another man, and admitting that you think he’s attractive, does not mean you are attracted to him “that way”. Marco the Magnificent Magician isn’t going to swoop down on you, black cape a-flappin’, tap you on the dick with his magic wand, and — *poof!* presto, homo! — you’re a homosexual! (Oh, the horror!) No. It just means you have eyes. Nothing more, nothing less.