Because your day blows — and stop pretending it doesn’t … I mean, you’re at work, aren’t you, and no matter how much you like to kid yourself that it’s not that bad, really, and you should just be thankful you have a job, because there are plenty of underprivileged people out there (some even in your own town!) who would give their right arm to be doing what you’re doing right now … that is if they hadn’t lost that right arm to gangrene or frostbite or just plain ol’ sold it on the black market in exchange for some generic cigarettes — and you don’t feel like being there, and your boss is a dick and that lard-ass in the next cubicle is chewing loudly (like she really needs another HoHo or SnoBall) … well, I’m here to help.
Stop working. Or pretending to. Stop reading about the space shuttle. Stop composing poetry, because, let’s face it, your poetry sucks. And nothing rhymes with “Columbia” or “February” anyway.
Go here instead.
And while you’re at it, say the word warp aloud a few times as you play with this thing. (The thing I linked to, you jokester. Not your “thing” hahaha LOL ROTFLMAO.) You’ll sound and look really smart. Really.
Enjoy!