Pressing Questions

Years ago, my sister (yes, I have one, and no, she will not go out with you) and I used to ask each other all sorts of very pressing questions. We would give each question serious consideration, despite the fact that we were sure (almost) that no one would ever really ask it or any of the others. Invariably we struggled with the answers and got mad at each other for daring to pose such idiotic questions.
“That’s not going to happen!” the questionee would yell. “But what if it did?” “Well, it’s not!” “Yeah, but what if it DID!?!?!?” And then one of us would call the other an asshole and that would be the end of it.
The following are some of the questions that caused such strife. (There were many others that I’m sure I’ll remember as I’m tossing in bed at 2:30 a.m.) I plan to call her sometime this week and launch into a question and answer session without even saying hello first.

  1. If a robber came into the house, and said he had to kill either Mommy or Daddy, who would you pick?
  2. If you had to have a small head on a big body or a big head on a small body, which would you choose?
  3. If a robber came into the house and said he had to kill Mommy or you, who would you pick?
  4. If you tried out for a part on a really great TV show, and they said you would get it but only if you gained 60 pounds, would you do it?
  5. If a robber came into the house and said he had to kill either A or B (our dogs) (not their real names!), who would you pick?
  6. If someone gave you a really cute car [it varied — it was either a Mercedes 450, some sort of Fiat, or a Karman Ghia], but said that the only way you could have it was if they painted MARY KAY COSMETICS across the trunk, and you were not allowed to cover it, would you take it?

I don’t remember most of my answers to these questions, but I think I passed on the sportscar with MARY KAY painted on the trunk. I’m sure I killed off my dad and spared my mom. The dog question was more difficult; I don’t think either of us ever answered it. It was probably at that point that we deemed the entire game “retarded” or “gay” and got mad at each other.
And then answered the question, “If a robber came into the house and said he had to kill one of us, which one would you pick?” quite easily.