Kitchen Kovet

Don’t you love my fun, whimsical, unnecessary alliteration?
So do I.
Don’t you love a nice kitchen?
So do I!
There are two kinds of kitchen appliances I covet: stainless steel (think Viking) and white enamel (think 1940s icebox). I like to think each represents a side of my personality: one sleek ‘n’ ever so moderne (think flat panel TV); the other lost in the days of black and white (think radio with an actual dial).
Aside: I know I’m asking you to do a lot of thinking, but that’s OK. Thinking is good. Really. And studies show that it can help you lose weight — and keep it off for good!!!
“If I had that kitchen,” I invariably say when I see one that strikes my fancy in a glossy magazine, “I’d be cooking all the time!”
And then the person to whom I’ve just directed that comment laughs and says something tender, such as, “You’re fucking full of shit.”
“No, really. If I had that kitchen, I’d actually feel compelled to cook. It’d make it fun!”
I love kitchen stuff. Pots and pans. Colanders. Love the gadgets. Whisks. Can openers (hand-held). Love it all. In “theory”, of course. Not in actual application.
Because in my fantasy (the “theory”), I’m wearing low-rise palazzo pants, a slinky shirt unbuttoned dangerously low, and stunning mules. My hair is up. I have a zexy accent. Crudités (what a hideous word, no?) and vegetable pâté are beautifully displayed on the sparkling clean countertop. Something requiring sauce is simmering in a pan (or is that a pot? I get so confused!), and all burners are going at once. Of course there are no spills and even the spoons that have been used to stir stuff are clean. All is spic, and, yes, span.
There is no microwave, because that is a shortcut! Everything is done by hand, lovingly stirred. No one’s father is coming in to sample things and then put the same spoon back into the pot. No one’s coming in to taste the kasha and bowties and picking out all of the bowties. (Of course there’s kasha. What kind of Jewish household would it be without a huge pot of kasha?)
Yes, I would cook in that kitchen.

OK, so I wouldn’t. But it would make it so much nicer for my chef and staff.