Bearing Your Feet

I blame yoga and all sorts of other feel-good, let’s-get-in-the-groove, life is beautiful and so are our bodies and souls, New Age sort of whatnot and whynot hooha that’s been wafting over — nay, seeping into — this big ball of gas and magma and dogma and YoYo Ma we lovingly call Earth. I blame all of that and oh so much more for the hideous proliferation of bare feet that I see airing themselves at the gym.
As if it’s not bad enough that I have to catch a glimpse of twinkle toes blithely flitting across the floor en route to their downward-facing-dogged pursuit of nirvana and spiritual well-being, I am now being forced to see them bared on the actual gym floor, throwing their weight around where there are plenty of weights to fall on them. Yes, it seems that proper footwear — or any footwear at all — is too burdensome for some of these souls’ soles, and toes are being sported in all their pasty, pudgy glory.
Further, the feet and attendant toes are being massaged and coddled lovingly by many who use the mats for a variety of yoga-inspired stretches, including, for reasons that continue to elude me, backbends and handstands. All usually executed in the middle of a mat, for all the world to enjoy. Because everyone else who is not bending or standing (i.e. posing) needs to enjoy the splendor of these stretches. Yes, the splendor of dirty, blackened feet (sounds like a Cajun dish, oui?). The charm of a sweat-blotted crotch.
Please, people, if you insist on expressing your free-spirited bliss with the Universe, please limit it to the removal of your shoes. I’m not thrilled with that, but it doesn’t completely repel me. Your toes, however, do. If you want to bare your souls in the comfort of your yoga class, then by all means, go ahead and do so. But don’t bear your soles elsewhere. Please. Enough. The only time bare feet are acceptable in an indoor public venue, other than in the actual yoga or martial arts studio, is in a swimming pool. And even then, I think someone ought to invent swim-socks.
But this footloose and fancy-free nonsense? No. Get away from me. Shoo.