A Few Words About Reading

Unless your age is in the single digits and you are just learning how not to be illiterate, please refrain from moving your lips while reading or using your finger to underline each word as you wend your scary way across the page. These activities are only acceptable if there is the possibility that you may still wet your bed, need someone to cut your meat, aren’t tall enough to ride the bumper cars alone — and your age is in the single digits. I stress that last item because I know the other three criteria may apply to some “special” adults and your poor little Aunt Lily in Carson City. (Would it hurt you to visit her sometime?)
So please, if you’re still young enough to be amazed that “tough” and “although” and “through” don’t rhyme, then by all means, move your lips while you sound out the words. Touch each word as you do so. But otherwise? No.
P.S. This does not apply to illiterate adults or immigrants learning a new language. Those people should be commended for managing to avoid being killed in traffic because they can’t differentiate between WALK and DO NOT WALK.*
*Country Bumpkins: You may not get this reference. That is sad for you. But I am proud of you for being able to read at all. Kudos!