Search String Cheese (Vol. 1)

A recent information-hungry computer user found my site using the following search string:


I have a hunch he did not find what he was looking for here. Because I believe that if you have a healthy relationship, anything you can say to your dog, you can say to your wife.
However, since I am very accommodating, I would like to address this internet traveler’s needs, and hereby invite you, dearest readers, to supply the elusive “things” for which he was searching. Just imagine how cool it will be when someone forwards you a mass-mailing email containing an enumerated list of these items and your contribution is among them.
That’s right: I’m asking you to leave comments that respond to that search string. Since some of you really seemed to dig the April Fool’s Day funfest, I decided to allow you another opportunity to sparkle ‘n’ shine. Please make sure to do your sparkling and shining by Saturday night, though, because I will be closing the comments at that time. (Plus, by Saturday night you should be out sparkling and shining and NOT perusing my world-famous website.)
Search String Cheese will be an ongoing feature on this site. At least that’s what I am saying right now. But who knows. Tomorrow I may wake up (or may not, if I die in my sleep, like that prayer hints at) (knock wood) and decide it’s poppycock — and yank the whole cock, poppy and otherwise, out from under you. But for now, it’s here, and, yes, it’s queer, so get used to it. And get to it.

If you have not already voted in my very important poll, please do so! I will be analyzing the results sometime this week and need your input.