Misfortune Cookie

WTF? I suppose it was only a matter of time that the Jews’ longstanding tight association with Chinese food would infiltrate the fortune cookies themselves. How else to explain this guilt-inflicting message I recently received and my resultant instant paranoia (because I just don’t know what it is that I supposedly did)?

0 thoughts on “Misfortune Cookie

  1. My ex actually used to switch mouse buttons. Used to make me crazy when I would have to rescue her from some infection caused by random clicking, or the install of some nauseatingly cute screensaver that came with nasty accessories…. Speaking of mouse-based hump-day diversions.. try this one: http://www.notdoppler.com/files/pointer.swf
    OK, back to “work”

  2. Kudos for the intense use of parenthetical expressions! I believe the majority of the post is actually inside parenthesis, including the ever elusive nested parenthetical expression. Well done!

  3. Mine looks like Britney Spears flashing her patootie at Don Knotts on what appears to be the set of “Dancing With The Stars”. Or maybe it’s just random colors. Not sure.

  4. Pathetic. I can’t even draw with a program.
    Mine looks like crap. But even crap can be considered a artistic medium these days
    BTW, I am on a Mac laptop. So I don’t have a mouse. I have a trackpad. And a button. And I finger it seductively. With my right hand. Unless I’m utilizing my right hand for another purpose. In which case I type one-handed with my left.

  5. Kitten, you just single handedly helped me work out my rainbow of emotions! Thank you.
    I pounded the mouse.
    I threw the mouse.
    I cried on the mouse.
    I caressed the mouse.
    I licked the mouse.
    I bit the mouse.
    I laughed at the mouse.
    I slapped the mouse.
    Then I tied the mouse up, threw it twenty bucks, and left it there completely USED!!!! Fucking mouse.

  6. T.g.I.Friday
    It’s Friday before I finally click “here” and go Pollock on my screen. Wednesday was saved for whining to Mrs. Whitney and Thursday was for thinking-up words like Thoreau.
    I change my mouse buttons from time-to-time to bat-away the boredom. I change my co-worker’s mouse buttons to bring on the fun.

  7. P.S. I don’t like to talk about my trackpad in a public forum. I like my PRIVATE sensual trackpad moments, I guess.

    P.P.S. Coincidently, I’m on EST at the moment (as opposed to my standard MST). If anyone wants to come to Maryland and go out cavorting, come on down! Just don’t tell my Brother and my Sister-in-Law. They are not of the cavorting ilk.

    I suppose I’m not necessarily a technically hard-core cavorter myself, but it sounds awfully nice at the moment.

  8. Wonders… Self edits. Wonders some more…. Self edits some more. Wonders again, and finally unable to stand it, just HAS to ask…
    Kate? How does one ‘Fuck draw’ on a Mac?
    Damn. I am so weak.

  9. You SELF EDIT, Ds?

    If I had put the requisite comma that sentence would you still be asking the question?

    YES – rhetorical question, that last one.

  10. Wait, the comment WAS there as your moniker was in the PREVIOUS sentence.


    In other words, now I’m pondering the same question, DAMN YOU.


    Yes, in the first sentence of the previous comment I meant the word “comment” to be “comma.”

  12. Kate –
    I want you so badly right now… and not just for the way you abuse your colon. I like your use of your period to end things, too. And your exclamation points to an underlining meaning I can’t wait to question. Mark my words – you will be mine.

  13. Ds,

    You aren’t a thirteen-year-old girl are you?

    Wait – I suppose there is a more pertinent question: (COLON!!!!) Do you MASQUERADE as a thirteen-year-old girl online?

    That would be peculiar.

    As is the fact that I asked the question.


  14. Kiss Me Kate –
    As a first point let me state wholeheartedly and with jiggling manparts in extremes not often exposed to sunlight – GUFFAW! A good belly-rumbling chuckle makes my day.
    In more of a secondary nature – I love your wit, style and ability to toss about verbs, nouns, and the occasional dangling participle with aplomb. While I may consider myself a bit of a wordsmith, you are obviously an artist. (Parenthetical notation: (COLON!) Jodi is no slouch as wordcraft either, hence my undying adoration of all things wandering jewishness… (ELIPSES!))
    Thricely, (I just made that word up because I truly liked the ring of it) I am exceedlingly overjoyed you are taking care of the main part of your large intestine, and thank you for the update on your gargantuan brother and his love of fibrous tubers. Colonoscopies are such a terrible thing to waste, and obviously you won’t be needing one at any point in the near future.
    Quartetedly, (I don’t even need to say anything about that one, it’s so inane…) I am not a 13 year old girl, nor do I play one online. However, I have been told I am hung like a 13-day old hamster – I’ve never been able to tell if that is a compliment or not. My reported and documented manliness can be attested to, confirmed and even show in mugshots by numerous police departments in at least 12 states, and I once sent the owner of this blog a picture of a penis I swore was mine. (She still doesn’t know it was actually an old publicity photograph of the stallion who played ‘Mr. Ed’, the talking horse, so let’s keep that to ourselves, shall we?)
    Sexedly, (and rather appropriately as well) I want you biblically, intellectually, and tied to an anthill with marmalade spread behind your ears. Habitual nun inferences aside, intelligence is sexy. Unfortunately, neither my wife nor my 101st mistress is likely to look kindly on me adding yet another hen to my rooster-harem.
    Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go take my meds. If I don’t take them regularly, the hallucinations start to seem like reality…

  15. What the –? Geez. I can’t leave you kids alone for — 16 days!!!!! oh my god, has it really been 16 days!!!? — Accch. I guess it’s time to “update”, as I’ve been beseeched by quite a few of my most rabid “fans”.
    Feel free to carry on any and all love affairs here, though, including, but not limited to, the beautiful one running sexily amok between Ds and Kate.

  16. Sorry, Mommy. I told you if you were leaving for a fortnight you needed to get us a babysitter, but noooooooooo… Now look what you’ve got… West Virginia in the playroom!

  17. Joooooooodi!!!!!!
    Kate is trying to seduce me with her prolific prose and heaving blue ridge mountains again!!!

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