The Salt of the Earth

MrPickle.jpg  MrPeanut.png
Jaunty hat?* Check!
White gloves? Check!
Fey pinky extension? Check!
Ankle-high boots avec spats? Check!
Winning grin? Check!
Cane/walking stick? Check!
Pantslessness? Check!
Although in my heart I think I should trust Mr. Peanut more than his crispin’ cousin, given his longer standing as a salty snack icon, I must say I think Mr. Pickle’s charm and sincerity are more readily apparent in his rather googly eyes, given his lack of a cheeky monocle. I also appreciate Mr. Pickle’s sleeker abs, avoidance of show-offy black tights (or, really, unitard) (nice pins, though, Peanut), and cartoon-standard four fingers instead of five. And then, of course, there’s his splendid noselessness, with which I have a special kinship.
* Note the different attitude in the hats, however. Whereas Mr. Peanut’s lends the air of a citified dandy, Mr. Pickle’s brings to mind a humble country doctor.

0 thoughts on “The Salt of the Earth

  1. This is an outrage! After two decades of sweating to the oldies, I can’t believe we’re still using terms like ‘flubby’ and ‘fatso’. Those negative terminologies have no place in today’s lexicon, people, and I for one am offended, nay, incensed that you would stoop to such vulgar behavior. These highly-impressionable, weight-afflicted individuals are not at fault for the way they appear, and with a little love and joy can be beautiful, productive members of society. Down with hateful remarks! Down with narrow minds in skinny little bodies! Accept us as we are! We are large and we are in charge!
    Now come here, Billy, and let me console you with a great big squoogelly-woogelly hug and some powdered donuts. I think you’re a beautiful, senual, sexual young man. That’s right, come sit next to Uncle Richard…

  2. Meanwhile, at home, his equally chubby mutt Stanley is licking the last of the peanut butter off the end of his snout. He never understood why the Master’s son fed him so strangely, but then again he didn’t care. That’s some damn tasty peanut butter. Usually he gets to finish it all off though, but then Master doesn’t usually doesn’t get fired from work and come home early.
    Stanley wonders if the Master’s son will still want to play “Putting on the Pretty Pink Doggy Lipstick” when he gets back. The boy seemed in a hurry…

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